


Sometimes a fail is better than success

by DaFlangstLairde



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Thomas, Depression, Heavy Angst, High School, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, Poor Thomas, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Teen Angst, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Thomas is main character, What Have I Done, there is a SHIT TON of angst here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 21:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14317158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaFlangstLairde/pseuds/DaFlangstLairde
Summary: It has kind of became a trend now, to insult yourself, but not seriously, never seriously. Well, at least that is how most students took it as.





	Sometimes a fail is better than success

**Author's Note:**

> T R I G G E R W A R N I N G S:  
> Attempted Suicide  
> Depression  
> Self-hatred

"I am an asshole, I know that, don't you do as well?" Thomas, the most confident, liked, smart, handsome and popular person in the high school laughed. The rest of the group- Alexander, Lafayette, John, Hercules, James and Burr- laughed with him. It has kind of became a trend now, to insult yourself, but not seriously, never seriously. Well, at least that is how most students took it as. Thomas was the person whom had made it a trend. And...

 

And his friends knew. Well, they had big suspicions. Suspicions that their popular, handsome, confident, self-loving friend that basically everyone liked, didn't take those self-insults as a joke. No, they were more than that. Thomas had never been able to... call for help. Or speak honestly about his feelings. Or say what was on his mind without encouragement. He had been getting so much better lately, but old habits never truly disappear.

 

Suspicions, that these "jokes" were small cries for help. Small hints to what Thomas actually felt like, on the inside. But no one ever really paid attention. From time to time, they would get a little worried, but than everything will be fine again. They would even joke back. Thomas never took their insults as insults, because they weren't. It was just a joke between friends.

 

-

 

And yet...

 

Here Thomas stood, writing the last part of the message, after what he hit send and turned off his phone, not looking at his friends' responses.

 

[TJeffsMacFucker]:Egoistic. Arrogant. Rude. Pretends to be interesting. Attention seeker. Attention whore. Unable. Not talented. Weird. Different. Pretends to be different. Ugly. Gross. Confused. Unimportant. An asshole. Hated. Annoying. Freak. Angsty. Emo. Drama queen. Fake. Copycat. Violent. Irrational. Reckless. Dangerous. Lazy. Hypocrite. Procrastinates. Dumb. Failure. Disappointment. Awkward. Anxious. Sensitive. Tempered. Hurts loved ones. Doesn't think before speaking. Cocky. Disgusting. Insure. Insecure. Argues too much. Pessimist. Me. I'm sorry you ever had to learn who 'me' is. You won't be bothered by 'me' anymore. The knife cut through the flesh like the words, whom had cut his feelings so many times. The blood streamed down and dripped on the floor, filling the deadly silence, just like the tears streaming down the cheeks, from the eyes that had told a completely different story than the actions. Well, not anymore.

 

-

 

[AlexMcWritesTooMuch]: THOMAS, NO! PLEASE, I BE YOU WITH ALL MY FUVKING GOD DAMN HEART, DON'T YOU DARE DO WHAT I THINK YOU ARE!

 

[LafayetteXFrance]: THOMAS, AMI, CHER, LISTEN TO ALEX! PLEASE HOLD ON A LITTLE MORE, I'M DRIVING THERE!!!

 

[JohnDaTurtleAddict]: nonoNoNoNoNONONO- THOMAS, STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE FRICKING DOING! LAF'S COMING, WAIT FOR HIM!

 

[HercDaughtersAndHorses]: oH gOD, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT SHIT SHIT SHITSHITSHITSHIIIIIIII--- I'M CALLING THE AMBULANCE AND THE SUICIDE HOT LINE, LAF, GET THERE AS FAST AS YOU GOD DANG CAN, YOU NEED TO AT LEAST DELAY IT

 

[JamesWhIcHiWrOtE]: KJ\ZBDSVF\BVI;\NVPOIU\SNVDKJbsF\SFDVNKJCVJ\KVDVN. THOMAS NOOO!!!! THIS IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM! DON'T!!!!!!

 

[A-A-RonBuRR]: Everybody, keep calm for god's sake! Thomas, stop whatever you are doing and wait for Laf and the others to come there! And please, PLEASE respond to our messages so that we know you're alright!!!

 

-

 

Thomas enjoyed the body heat from the person, tightly hugging him and repeating over and over praise and compliments. Things that were... completely different from what he had written. His vision was getting fuzzier and blurrier from the loss of blood. Lafayette realized it and quickly wrapped his wounds with bandages. Both of them were crying. One, whose sobs were wrecking their body, filled with guilt yet relief. The other's were silent, yet somehow violent, the little pained, broken sounds adding on and on.

 

Soon the rest came, along with the ambulance.

 

-

 

Friends. They were something you cannot replace. They forever stayed in your heart, in one way or another. Thomas felt so lucky to have friends like these. The ones that kept visiting him at the hospital absolutely every time they could. The ones that gave him so many presents, so many wishes to get better soon. The ones that kept repeating how amazing and beautiful and intelligent and talented he was. How loved he was. The ones that kept reminding, repeating how loved he was. How much they loved him. How much his family loved him. And he loved all of them back.

 

And they meant it.

With all of their hearts.

And he meant it.

With all of his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Constrictive criticism and feedback are very very welcome!!  
> And, guys, please, remember that there is always someone who loves you <3


End file.
